KENTUKIANA 10 (Part I): Where I said 'I'm staying', I now say 'I'm going back'

A few months ago, back in February, the manager of the education program in Kentucky wrote to me asking for an answer on whether I was going to continue next school year or, on the contrary, had decided to return to Spain. The dilemma had been circling me for months already, and yet I still had nothing figured out. That email set off in my body, mind, and soul an intense crossfire of doubts and speculations in which either of the two options could win the verdict.

an intense crossfire of doubts and speculations in which either of the two options could win the verdict.

From the very beginning, the school year was already showing its true colors with its ungovernability (on that subject, see Kentukiana 2: The First Day of Class), but the hope that everything would take a turn for the better always remained latent. My classroom was almost always an amphitheater full of students as wild as they were lacking in interest and empathy. They are obsessed with the spell of those insipid online games, which they get down to the moment they switch on their Ipads or Macbooks. There are plenty of platforms they know and exploit for gaming, such as the educational Scratch, with its well-stocked ‘Games‘ section. To mention one of the most despicable, I'll name Money Clicker, in which the more times you tap the screen the more make-believe dollars or bitcoins you earn (something I find atrocious, since it can only breed selfishness, greed, and idolatry of that ‘mighty gentleman, Sir Money‘, as the real Quevedo once wrote). Then there are also the two-dimensional platform video games, extremely addictive for a child because of their easiness and simplicity, like Geometry Dash, which consists of a square-shaped face in charge of dodging obstacles (a square-shaped mind is what it leaves them with).

But when it isn't the video games, they move on to the second course: they get hooked on the senseless vice of watching those stupid videos (as served up by Youtube, Instagram, or Tik Tok), which show nothing but drivel and run as extremely short in length as the understanding of whoever creates and, on top of that, shares them. Who helps them unlearn all this, and how? I will answer in the next article.

Who helps them unlearn all this, and how?

I watch them so hooked on these distractions that I do not foresee a promising future at all for these young generations. I feel revulsion and helplessness when I watch in class their mechanical hand movements swiping up and down the screen, nailing their eyes to the image at a ridiculous few centimeters' distance, their backs already slightly hunched, even smashing their fists against the innocent device when they lose a point or miss an answer, and they scream and scream as if a red-hot iron were being driven into them. Other times, they simply hurl the devices furiously to the floor, as if the verb ‘to value‘ didn't exist for them. So then, who teaches them to see that it isn't about losing or winning? Who makes them realize that this is just a game? Who helps them consider that life is something you must learn to play, not to suffer? Only the teacher?

who teaches them to see that it isn't about losing or winning?

who makes them realize that this is just a game?

who helps them consider that life is something you must learn to play, not to suffer?

only the teacher?

That is why, now more than ever, it is worth asking what we are doing with our little ones, who from the tenderest age get a phone stuck in their face (the new pacifier of the 21st century) so they'll stop crying and not even complain; and then there is the permissiveness found in the vast majority of schools, where establishing proper control becomes very complicated. In fact, some regions are already restricting their use (see: The Valencian Community bans cell phones in schools).

And who is responsible? The system, the parents, and we ourselves, the teachers, who keep up the routine of teaching them a whole series of contents as incongruent as it is decontextualized, sponsored in turn by an educational system that leaves much to be desired. ‘It's like the fish forever biting its own tail‘: students pick up the baton that they themselves will later hand down to the following generations, and so we go, in circles and downhill. In fact, and I speak also of what is happening in Spain, students in general terms are becoming as ignorant and impatient as they are insensitive and rude; with no empathy, stressed out, their vision and brain completely bamboozled by the deliberate deception offered to them by a world dressed up as candy. Most of them I see so affected at such an early age that I would swear they already walk around anesthetized for life.

I see them so affected at such an early age that I would swear they already walk around

anesthetized for life.

But believe me when I tell you that things have already begun to change and must keep changing. The first thing is to change oneself, that much is clear, to reconfigure oneself in many respects so as to shed the old habits and beliefs that only weigh you down, and then take on new ones that help and regenerate the landscape. It is more a matter of attitude and daily work. Do you believe it or not?

shed the old habits and beliefs that only weigh you down, and then take on new ones that help and regenerate the landscape.

It is more a matter of attitude and daily work.

One of the great keys to the improvement and reform of every educational system lies in a concept as innovative as it is ancient: I am talking about applying and cultivating more ALTRUISM in the classroom. And here I also include COMPASSION, EMPATHY, SOLIDARITY, CONCENTRATION, LOVE. Values, all of them, that should hold a more privileged place than the mere teaching of content. They should even be promoted more as goals for each stage, each subject area, and even each unit or daily lesson. And the thing is, that way we would all come out winning. Teaching and practicing them would be as beneficial and fruitful for the students as for the entire planet. In fact, we are a society built to cooperate, to be more generous, humble, and compassionate. My simple understanding cannot grasp how, at this point, and despite thousands of years of evolution and experience as a civilization, we keep stumbling over almost the very same blunders and failures: repeating wars, torture, murder, malice — selfishness, at the end of the day. I feel immense secondhand shame for that part of our society that still behaves in such an irrational way. Our task as humans, and now as teachers, must be continually reconfigured so as to detach ourselves from the egocentric and hold fast to the benefits, collective as well as individual, offered by the values mentioned above, and especially that ALTRUISM. LET US MOVE FROM THEORY TO PRACTICE ONCE AND FOR ALL. That is, moreover, how one helps oneself and begins to break free from the endless mental burdens one may create. For example, by helping our neighbor — in this case of ours, the student — getting more involved in their interests and needs. How do you feel when you help an elderly person cross a road, when you save an animal, or give back to a child their natural smile? That selfless help then flows back into you as a person, filling you with humanity and with that inner peace that is what we need today more than ever. Sounds lovely and beautiful, doesn't it? Because it is. The entire educational community should throw itself into this.

LET US MOVE FROM THEORY TO PRACTICE ONCE AND FOR ALL.

How do you feel when you help an elderly person cross a road,

when you save an animal, or give back to a child their natural smile?

For now I don't want to dwell any longer on this grand idea, for magnanimous it is — only to drop the note here so as to address it more intensely in the next article, since I consider extremely relevant the progressive incorporation of more unifying, altruistic, and loving actions to the detriment of those that produce separation, selfishness, and hatred. Otherwise, what do we aspire to when we work with children? What do parents aspire to when they raise their children? What does a country aspire to when it governs its youth?

what do we aspire to when we work with children?

what do parents aspire to when they raise their children?

what does a country aspire to when it governs its youth?

Picking up the flight again: I was, then, of the mind that despite it all it was worth staying on one more school year in Kentucky — there would always be time for that business of going back. I thought that the complexity of teaching Spanish before such flora and fauna as I had encountered would change as soon as I became a little better known, as they warmed up to me and I to them. –Patience, it will all get better-, some coworkers would tell me. In the end, to give all of this a vote of confidence, the ‘I'm staying‘ won out, as on those TV game shows where you either walk away with your winnings or keep on risking them. So I would tell myself: –No risk, no glory. I came here to play and I will keep on playing-, but at what price?, I would answer myself right now (on that subject, see Kentukiana 6: Do I Stay or Do I Go Back?).

I thought that the complexity of teaching Spanish before such flora and fauna would change

–I came here to play and I will keep on playing-, but at what price?, I would answer myself right now

During those February days, full of doubts and indecision, I needed to consult other opinions, other points of view that would help me settle on one option and, above all, quiet my mind, a churning ocean of uncertainties. So I turned to the sincere feelings of my parents, to the counsel of those I considered wise friends, and even to the veteran judgment of some visiting teachers who were also taking part in the same program. I weighed, reflected, and weighed again. I placed both options on the scale, two alternatives each with its pros and its cons. In fact, I had left my country with the aim of spending three to five years abroad, which was the maximum my visa allowed and the length of time my teaching position would be held for me. The advantages were sky-high. And yet, who would have told me that a month and a half later everything would change all over again.

The scale was telling me, as if it were an oracle, that if I carried on with my transoceanic journey, the list of benefits would crush by a landslide the one competing for the return to the Cervantine homeland. All the expectations kept aiming high: I would improve my English and my finances; my friendships would grow with friends as special as Nick, Julie, Seth, Jeff, Katelyn, Alyssa, Hunter, Brian, Phil; not to mention the number of experiences and adventures I still had left to live, which would, of course, find their corresponding voice on this blog. At the same time, I would try to set out on a new musical path, after this first year of scouting the terrain; I would go to big rock festivals, enjoy my cult bands, maybe buy myself a car, maybe visit Chicago, Dakota, or New Orleans, and maybe even get myself an American girlfriend. Maybe, maybe, and more maybes. All the ‘maybes‘ in the world kept tipping the scale toward the ‘I'm staying’, while my ego went on believing them, swelling and growing as if there were no tomorrow, and all of it without noticing the great movie I was already playing out in my head.

while my ego went on believing them, swelling and growing as if there were no tomorrow, and all of it without noticing the great movie I was already playing out in my head.

There was one sentence I will never forget, and it helped me clear everything up. I couldn't stop recalling it until, by chance, one day it came true. It was like one of those premonitory pronouncements whose meaning, you know, holds a great truth, but only once it is revealed to you. It was written to me by a teacher who had spent six years in the state of Utah. Talking the matter over, she suddenly told me: –if you have doubts, stay; when you truly want to leave, don't worry, you'll know-. That second part of the sentence left me, if possible, even more doubtful, impatient, and curious to decipher what that ‘don't worry, you'll know‘ was supposed to mean. When and how would I know? The astonishing thing is that this uncertainty didn't keep me waiting long. Within six weeks the riddle was revealed to me.

–if you have doubts, stay; when you truly want to leave, don't worry, you'll know-.

From the teacher in Utah.

That second part of the sentence left me, if possible, even more doubtful, impatient, and curious to decipher what that ‘don't worry, you'll know‘ was supposed to mean.

When I had that great revelation, a clarity as transparent as spring water manifested within me. So that where I had said ‘I'm staying‘, I now said ‘I'm going back‘. The doubt was left alone, in question, with no voices to feed it, like those of my own ego, which was also called into question after I had spent some time working on it. And no music, no girlfriend, no money, no friends. Little could sway the sentence that the judges of my own conscience and sanity were about to hand down. In fact, it was a verdict that fell under its own weight, like a gavel upon the bench, as if it had been a natural birth, since it took exactly some nine months to manifest from the moment I arrived. It was a gestation that germinated into one of the greatest discernments I have ever had in my life, one that in future articles I will gladly detail. It isn't every day that certain uncertainties are revealed to us.

A gestation that germinated into one of the greatest discernments I have ever had in my life… It isn't every day that certain uncertainties are revealed to us.

The thing is, it ran through me like a bolt of clarity right when I needed it most. There then sprang up in me such certainty and sharpness that it drew in nothing but calm and blessedness. I didn't even need words to explain it to myself. It was then that I began to understand that the experience of having come to the United States had begun to take on a value completely different from the one I had projected onto it as an expectation.

With just a month and a half to go before catching the plane that will take me back to Barcelona, I can say that the excursion has been more pilgrim-like and transformational than leisurely and cultural, with lessons as complex as they were instructive, moments as revealing as they were magical, and where both the efforts invested and what has been left along the way have been worth it, above all for what I now newly know about myself.

the excursion has been more pilgrim-like and transformational than leisurely and cultural, with lessons as complex as they were instructive, moments as revealing as they were magical, and where both the efforts invested and what has been left along the way have been worth it, above all for what I now newly know about myself.

I remember that in the weeks leading up to the day everything changed, which was like a full stop and a new paragraph, I had already been feeling worn down and ill at ease over the ungovernable situation that, class after class, certain insurgent, sabotaging students insisted on keeping up. The frustration of neither being able nor knowing how to control practically the majority of my groups kept growing and made it plain that my work there was prematurely coming to its end. And I say end because the good students — there have always been some — I have already reached in some way, more through my way of being and of educating than through the content itself. Their silent, understanding gazes confirm it to me, as do their gestures of approval in the face of the helplessness and secondhand shame they too feel at the disobedience of their other classmates. I mean the group of the most rebellious ones, who are really nothing but lost students. It is precisely a part of them who may benefit most from the experience of having had me. That is, only if they manage to realize it when they grow up and mature; only then will it manifest to them as a deferred learning, one with retroactive effect that a person comes to apprehend, acquire, or unveil as life goes by. They will discover that consciousness is something to be cultivated from the time we are very little, but with the guidance and help of adults who are themselves duly conscious (be they parents, teachers, or politicians), which, it seems, is the hard thing to find. But, who teaches them that? The constant evolution and renewal of a new educational system with the conscious involvement of an entire educational community.

who teaches them that? The constant evolution and renewal of a new educational system with the conscious involvement of an entire educational community.

It happened during class on a Monday, March 18. To the protagonist of the event, a student whom from now on I will call ‘Miss K‘, I must be deeply grateful for helping me that day to hit rock bottom, a bottom I needed at last to touch.

I must be deeply grateful for helping me that day to hit rock bottom, a bottom I needed at last to touch.

The great revelation came first thing in the morning, around 8:15…

(END OF PART ONE)

To be continued next Saturday, May 11. – KENTUKIANA 11 (Part II): Where I said ‘I'm staying’, I now say ‘I'm going back’